


are you drunk?

by eruthiel



Category: The Monster Hunters (Podcast)
Genre: 1970s, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Bad Puns, Friendship, Gen, Hospitals, Monster of the Week, Sexy Nurses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2015-08-08
Packaged: 2018-04-13 13:18:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4523535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eruthiel/pseuds/eruthiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn't a question, just an accusation too angry to stand alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	are you drunk?

**Author's Note:**

> I was writing drabbles for [these prompts](http://myquantumtheory.tumblr.com/post/92542981928/send-me-two-or-more-characters-and-a-number-and), and this one got slightly above itself. I _was_ planning to eventually write something semi-serious about scotch rationing, but this was not originally supposed to be that fic. I'm irredeemably weak for alcoholism tropes, I'm trash, I have all the self control of a tiny kitten etc. I'm still working on the rest of those drabbles; they, too, will mostly be composed from my self-indulgent gay tears.
> 
> Pretentiously subtitled ["a vice to rest your head in."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7ACRdh_SnI) Pls do go listen to every Magnetic Fields song and feel vaguely sad about TMH with me???

 "Come on, Roy! He's getting away!"

Which rather took Roy by surprise. While Lorrimer was weeding out the real Minotaur from the six or seven fakes, Roy had been conducting his own half of the investigation by chatting (and drinking) with a couple of girls in harpy costumes. A Greek mythology-themed fancy dress party was a tricky place to track down a monster, but a dashed good excuse to knock back some ouzo with a bird lady.

But now, apparently, they were in pursuit. Either he'd lost track of time, or Lorrimer was working extra fast tonight; was it time for the chase  _already_?

Roy stumbled after Lorrimer, tracing his hands down the wallpaper to steady himself. "Come  _on_ , Roy!" Lorrimer screeched from halfway down the corridor, which was spinning. By the time Roy caught up to him, the Minotaur had disappeared around a corner.

"Sorry, old man." Roy slung an arm around Lorrimer's shoulders. "You caught me off guard there."

"Are you drunk?" It wasn't a question, just an accusation too angry to stand alone.

"I wasn't planning on it, but do you know - I - I might be."

Lorrimer shoved him away. Roy didn't like the look on his face, not one bit. He didn't like being pushed, normally that was his cue to get fighty, but he landed hard against the wall and couldn't get up.

"How much have you had?"

"Just a few cocktails!"

"Don't - oh, damn, look, I don't have time for this right now. We let the Minotaur get away! And it's your fault!"

"My fault! My fault! Rollimer... Lorrie... I mean... you were the one who stopped chasing it!"

"Because  _you were lagging behind_  and I was  _worried_  about you!"

"You don't have to worry about me, old chap." Roy was sick in his mouth, but he swallowed it down, burning. "I'm jus- just - I'm doing just fine."

There was something in Lorrimer's voice that he didn't understand. "You're not fine, Roy. Not if it's going to start interfering with our work."

"What's interfering - ? What in the blazes are you tal - talking about?"

Lorrimer looked at him and sighed. "This is not the time or the place for this conversation. For now let's just..."

He was cut off by a scream and a muffled roar. Both Monster Hunters jumped to attention (somewhat sloppily, in Roy's case). "The Minotaur!" Lorrimer started in the direction of the commotion. "Roy, go straight back to the bar and get yourself some water. I'm going to have to handle this by myself."

"Now hold on just a minute!"

But Lorrimer did not hold on for even a second, never mind a minute. He was already sprinting away on those matchstick legs of his. Roy felt the acid rising in his throat again as he followed suit. It would be a cold day in Nice before Roy Steel turned his back on a monster to punch or a lady to rescue.

Besides, Lorrimer would get hurt, charging in all alone like that. Stupid, reckless, foolhardy Lorrimer. It was the wrong way round.

With his vision reduced to black spots and carpet blurs, Roy followed the sound of screams as best he could until he bumped into a door. He bumped it again, with his shoulder, and it collapsed under him like a cheap deckchair. He hit the floor with his hands, not his face - some instincts ran deeper than mere hand-eye coordination.

Now the screams were deafening, and he could hear the low, near heaving of a beast. Over the din, Lorrimer called his name.

"You idiot! I  _ordered_  you  _not to follow me!"_

"I don't take orders from anyone," Roy growled, as he pushed himself up off the floor. "Except Sir Maxwell, and sometimes the coastguard. Those guys really know their stuff, and I don't want to drown."

Lorrimer was fending off the Minotaur with a chair while a girl in a toga cowered behind a coffee table. She was right to cower; the fight was badly mismatched and Lorrimer was showing the strain. "Good news, Roy," he snapped, "you're not going to drown. Because you're going to be torn limb from limb by a sodding great mutant with the head of a bull!"

Right on cue, the Minotaur threw back its snout and gave a bellow. It advanced on its victims, batting aside the chair with one beefy hand.

Roy was on his feet by now - unsteady, but standing. His fists clenched all by themselves. "Not today, Lorrimer. I think you'll find that when it comes to fights with sodding great mutants, the victory will always be  _mine_... _o_ _taur!_ "

* * *

Lorrimer sat quietly with a book while Roy kept an eye on the nurses. There was one in particular, a blonde whose skirt barely covered her arse. Outstanding. He sent out a silent prayer of thanks to the dear departed Minotaur whose horns had landed him here - even though the sheets were scratchy and there was nothing to drink, and Lorrimer kept making stern apologies and sending the nurses away whenever Roy tried to make conversation. Gotta take the rough with the smooth. Smooth, like the curves of her...

"Roy." Lorrimer shut his book with a snap like the cap of a bottle. "Stop ogling that poor, hardworking young lady and look at me."

"Do I have to?"

"I know that I can't compete with her aesthetically, but I need to talk to you."

Roy rolled his head on the pillow, which crackled like paper. "What."

Lorrimer sighed. He laid the book on his lap, spine forwards ( _Ovid_ ; something about eggs, Roy wondered?), and folded his hands on it before speaking. "I realise I haven't thanked you yet for destroying the Minotaur. So, thank you, Roy. That was very brave of you."

"Hah! No problem, fella. All in a day's work for..."

"But," interrupted Lorrimer, "it was also very stupid."

"What! Make up your mind!"

"I... have. I've decided - Roy, look at me, don't get distracted again. That's better. I've  _decided_  that I need to be honest with you, even though it's a little awkward."

"Well hell, Lorrimer, you're the one who's making it so."

Lorrimer squirmed. "Yes. Sorry about that. This isn't easy for me. But when you - when I realised that you were severely intoxicated, during an assignment..." He held up a hand against Roy's protests. "An assignment at a party in a fancy hotel is still an assignment, Roy. You were on duty. You know I don't have a problem with you getting drunk on your own time. Well, maybe when it leads to you using my lab equipment to mix cocktails, or having shouting matches down the phone with your ex-wife at four in the morning..."

"Yes, all right."

"All that may be annoying, but I see it as the risk I took when I invited you to stay with me. You're a grown man, you can make your own terrible decisions. But you've gone too far now! You jeopardised the mission, and therefore both our lives and the lives of everybody at that party. I...  _we_ should nip this in the bud."

Part of Roy wanted to defend himself, but he was tired, and arguing with Lorrimer was a pain in the arse. He would trot out all those big scary words, Codependency and Detoxification and Change. "So what are you saying? I have to cut back?"

"Well, technically you don't  _have_  to do anything, but I think it would be a good idea to take a stricter approach. I'm not necessarily talking about quantity, just about timing. Do you follow?"

"Dammit, Lorrimer, that Minotaur chap gored me in the stomach, not the ears."

"Of course. I'm sorry. Anyway, I was also thinking that - since you're not the best at sticking to rules, no offence, Roy - it might be a good idea to let me take some control over your intake." Lorrimer held his Ovid book gently in both hands. "I could supply you with a certain amount of scotch per day, work permitting, so that you won't be distracted by the temptation to overindulge. What do you think?"

This time, Lorrimer didn't snap when Roy's eyes drifted over to his little blonde in uniform. She was bringing round the lunches, mandatory trays of stuff. Roy's fingers curled into the paper sheet. "I think that - you usually know best, Lorrimer."

Lorrimer's voice was careful. "Yes, that's true. But - as you said - you don't take orders from anyone. I don't want you to agree just to keep me happy, not if it's going to cause resentment between us. For the good of the Monster Hunters, Roy. If you believe that, we can shake on it."

Did he believe it? Roy didn't have the best faith in his own judgement just at the moment. The idea of handing himself over to the responsibility of someone else, someone wiser, certainly had its appeal.

He gave Lorrimer a reassuring smile. "Give me a few days to think it over, will you, old man?"

"Of course, Roy."

"And - Lorrimer - thank you. I shouldn't have put you in this situation in the first place, I..."

A tray appeared on Roy's lap. The nurse smiled at him, hooded eyes, husky voice. "Sorry to interrupt, boys. Lunch is served."

"Well, hello there." Roy's reflexive response all but drowned out Lorrimer's sigh. "No need to apologise, gorgeous. Nothing gets me back on my feet quicker than a little delicious...  _lunch_."

She giggled. "Let me know if there's anything else I can get for you." And she was gone, pouring the same charm over the next bed along.

Roy shook his head appreciatively at Lorrimer, who rolled his eyes. "Phwoar. I tell you, Lorrimer, if I wasn't stuck in this bed..."

"You'd be at home, helping me with our next case," Lorrimer pointed out. "Roy, you are incorrigible. There's no point getting your drinking under control if you're only going to get yourself into trouble with the ladies again."

"I don't know what you're talking about," scoffed Roy, but then, of course he did. "One step at a time, old man. You wouldn't try to tackle every monster in London at once! Let's just be thankful we're both still alive to have this little chat, eh?"

And Lorrimer smiled despite himself. "Well said, Roy. Thank you so much for listening to my concerns, it... it means a lot to me. And if there's ever anything else you want to talk about, any underlying issues... you know I'm always here for you, don't you?"

"You'd better  _bull_ -eave it!"

"Oh, for heaven's sake."


End file.
